I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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