Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i now understand why vodka
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
