Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
