I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
