I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
