TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
