I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
