I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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