Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
