I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
