im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
