He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
