You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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