my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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