i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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