It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
