hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
