Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
ttyl tear gas
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
