OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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