I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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