I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
