My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
