all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize