I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
