I'm going to jail i love you
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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