who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize