I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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