Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
