put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
