Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
