my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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