Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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