He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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