I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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