Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
