drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
