Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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