Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
