What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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