Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize