YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
