WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
