you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i drank out of a bidet.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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