fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
