he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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