38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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