I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
