i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
