So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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