Soap is not a condiment
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
