this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
