Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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