Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
