He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
