I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize