What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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