Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
