Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
