Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My vagina is very pro this idea
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
