do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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