It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
