Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I didn't notice because vodka
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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