How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
