Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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