Having a random hookup so left but love u
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
