Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
