Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
