You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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