I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
