Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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