Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
