So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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