did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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