brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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