No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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