I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize