I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
