shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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