Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
