Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
