i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
this is an emotional support booty call
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
