I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
