Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
