she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
