I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize