dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
