I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
