You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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