he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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