You smell like stripper and shame
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
