theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
