I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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