can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
