And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize